I've done it before. Twice, in fact. Most of my friends have successfully done it. My sister was able to accomplish it. Generations that have come before me have done it. Everywhere I look, I see people who have mastered it. So why, on why, am I failing now? I am quite sure that my son, my beautiful little boy, will be THE ONE to be the exception to the rule that I always hear! You've all heard it, too...say it with me, "No child goes to school wearing diapers." Au contraire, my friends. Soon, you will see...you have been mistaken in your thinking all this time...for soon, there shall be a child that, indeed, will be starting school in his diapers. Excuse, me...PULL-UPS. Pull-ups are not diapers. Right? (insert loud, tired sigh here, should have bought stock in them.)
I made the mistake of calling them "big boy underwear" when we transitioned my son out of his diapers. In my naivete, I thought it would be a quick transition into real underwear. Now, more than a year later, we are still wearing pull-ups. I feel so ashamed. Not at him, really. More at myself. What have I done to fail so miserably this time? We tried to be casual about it and not pressure him, as we did not want to not give him the same bad potty training experience his father had. Was it a mistake? I don't want to shame him, so I try to keep my frustration hidden from him. But seriously, this sweet boy doesn't care at all that he goes #1 in his pull-up. Nor does he care that he goes #2 in his pull-up. Will he use the bathroom in the potty? OH yes! He's great at it. It just doesn't matter to him if he does or not. I think somewhere along the way, pull-ups have just become his port-o-potty.
I have tried it all. Except the naked thing. I just can't do that. Not that if you have done it, it's wrong. I don't mean that at all. I just can't bring myself to do it with my child. Maybe partly because, well, I just don't want to see him in all his nakedness, THAT much. In this season of life I'm in with two little boys, I think I have seen enough hiney and boy privates to have lasted me 3 lifetimes.
Google-ing does me no good. Every article I read and every new idea or advice I read, I've tried already. Or else, really, it just sounds ridiculous and like it's written by a child development expert who has never had their own child before!
Today, I think I've finally decided to try one thing I've been putting off. Fruit Loops. Oh dear. Here, son...let's use our bodily waste to sink the fruit loops! Which color first???? Blue? Purple? Yay! Ready, aim, fire! Well...to all the fruit loops that will give their life to this experiment, I do apologize in advance. Yes, you would have tasted great soaked in creamy milk...but maybe the urine won't be so bad.
But, in the event this doesn't work, because well...I just am all out of optimism, I'd like to officially write to Pampers Inc. and ask them if they would please consider making size 8 diapers, because I'm sure I will be needing them soon. Can someone find me their address?
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